Dear Mike

5/12/2011

Dear Mike,

We were just watching American Idol the other night and Scotty sang our wedding song, “I Cross My Heart” by George Strait.   We both looked at each other with tears rolling down our cheeks and said, man that was the best day of our lives.  When we stated our vows on our wedding day, “In sickness and in health, until death do us part” we meant every word of it.  There was no doubt in my mind that we would be together for the rest of our lives.  I can remember vividly the first time you told me you loved me.  You said “I love you” with such certainty and conviction, you were only 17 years old, we had only been “going out” for 5 months, and I had no idea that you would know what the word LOVE meant.  I thought you were just a horny high school boy, with other things on your mind.  I remember looking right back at you and saying, “I like you a lot”.  Your heart sank, as the words were not returned at that moment in time.  After seeing the expression in your face and the words you put down on paper, I realized that you really did love me.  It took me another 6 months to finally return the words that you were longing to here, “I love you too”.  I remember when I said it back to you the first time you said, what did you say?  And I responded louder I love you too and your face lit up with excitement.  You knew what you wanted from the time you set eyes on me and you were going to do whatever it took to keep me in your arms forever!

You introduced me to a life that I would have never experienced, if I wouldn’t have met you.  I remember when your dad took me on your boat for the first time.  You and your dad were so excited to teach me how to fish.  You were going to show me how it was done.  Low and behold, I didn’t need any hand holding. Very first cast, “Got One” and I reeled it in by hand.  Who needs lessons and a fishing pole!  Along the way unfortunately we did experience a lot of grief and sadness, but those moments made our relationship stronger and we knew that we could get through anything together, that is what marriage is all about.  I sure wish more people in life would realize this, because marriage is something that you have to work at as a team, together, and forever!

We were able to experience so many wonderful things as a couple and I am so glad that we took the time to spend time together before we had children.  We were able to enjoy each other’s hobbies, travel to exotic places and learn what it was like to be married to the person that you will love forever!  Who is going to scare me now?  Who is going to put a panty hose over their head and wake me up, scaring the living daylights out of me, who is going to smush their face up against the shower door and scare the crap out of me, who is going to hide behind the car when I walk out of an Aurora Taco Bell and say, “Give me your Purse.”  Man, Makayla and Mikey have a lot of learning to do.  Hopefully you can give them some guidance along the way. 

You are the only man I have ever been with or wanted to be with.  My heart breaks to be without you.  You were my soul mate and we were going to grow old together.  You left me too soon.  We had so many plans in life.  We were going to experience them all together as a family.  You gave me the two most beautiful children that I could ever ask for and they will be constant reminders of the amazing man, father and husband that you were.  Your legend lives on in our children and I will never let them forget you.  I will remind them every day of their lives how much you loved them and what a great man their father was.  I will make sure our children endure in what you loved to do.  Their lives will be surrounded by loving people that loved you more than life itself.  They will be music fanatics and listen to songs over and over again.  They will play the piano and the guitar.  They will spend endless amounts of time on the boat fishing with your Uncle Dale and Uncle Steve.  Makayla says I now have to take her fishing, I am a little nervous, not about the fishing part, but putting the worm on the hook.  So, please give me the strength to overcome that.  They will be involved in sports, hopefully football and softball or whatever tickles their fancy.  I will make sure that Mikey D is a boy scout, so he learns the meaning of dedication and determination.  I know you will look down upon your children and will be very proud of them and I will make sure they know how very proud you would be of their success.

I look back now and realize that more than half of my life was spent loving you.  I felt you reach out to me the other night in my sleep and you grabbed my arm and said it is going to be okay.  I took a big sigh of relief in knowing you are still going to be watching over me and the kiddos.  Please keep sending me signs and guiding me through life, because I can’t get through this all alone.  

I know that you missed your mom and dad so much and your heart was breaking to feel their love and touch one more time.   You are now able to be up there in heaven with the both of them and no longer have to feel any more pain or suffering.  I am going to miss you dearly and will love you and cherish you for the rest of my life.  Someday I will see you again and I know you will be there greeting me with open arms.

Sweetie I love you, I am going to miss your soft touch, your clammy hands that I would hold at night, your warm sweaty forward that I would kiss, the top of your soft feet that I would play footsie with at night and saying I love you every night before we go to bed.  I guess Makayla is going to be playing footsie with me now!

Good men must die, but death cannot kill their name.

I love you more!

Your forever friend and love of your life,

Nat

“If there ever is a tomorrow when we’re not together…there is something you must always remember.  You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.  But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you”

                                                                -Winnie the Pooh

Some of you may not have known, but Mike was a poet back in the day.  Here is a poem that I would like to share with all of you, that he wrote to me when we fell in love.  I thought this was so appropriate at this moment, because this is how I feel.

Unsaid Words

My words they may sound familiar

Like ones you may have heard before

But when I tried to write you a love song

I simply could think of nothing more

I love you, I want you and I need you

I'd love to have you by my side

I love you, I want you and I need you

Your love gives my soul a place to hide

I've thought of different ways to tell you

Words however come up short

Of the way I really feel about you

Of the way you are always on my mind

How can I say it any different

The word they all mean the same

I love you, I want you and I need you

A rose is still a rose by another name

All is know is the thought of life without you

Is enough to make the strongest man cry

These words are said with great conviction

I know they will ring ture forever more

Love Mikey